There are approximately 7.5 billion people in the world and out of those billions of people who share the planet with us, it is amazing to think that no one out there is the same as you. Many things make us unique- our DNA, our looks, our beliefs, our qualities and capabilities, etc., but when it comes to identity, there are parts that we share with others. Society helps build our identity, but to what extent? Have you ever stopped to think about the ways in which society has helped shape you and how sociological theories would explain why you are the way you are? Our interactions with others, symbols, religion, ethnicity, it all ties in to shaping us as individuals.
My parents moved to the United States from Jalisco, Mexico looking for better education and better opportunities for themselves. The lack of resources, education, ability to move up socially, and the never ending violence as a result of such, were important factors in their decision to leave their native country. Mexico did not have much to offer my parents, and they knew they had to go out there and fight for a better life for themselves and their future children. Finally settled in the United States (San Jose, to be exact), they decided they were ready to start the family they had dreamt of. Unfortunately, they suffered the tragic loss of what would have been my older sister (Jasmine) who died while my mother was in labor. A year after their loss, my parents welcomed me and moved to Redwood City after finding better job opportunities. I grew up being an only child for 10 years, and grew up with a bit of both worlds- my parents were very strict and very over protective (probably due to the fact that they had already lost a child and did not want anything to happen to me) but they also gave me the freedom to be who I wanted to be and to express myself in whichever way I wanted to. Growing up, we lived in a small apartment complex, in a neighborhood which was not the safest. Some of my earliest memories were of rival gangs fighting each other outside my door, setting cars on fire, and one too many stabbings. As a child i was not able to realize this, but due to my bad surroundings, my parents working almost 7 days a week, the lack of resources and the people that i grew up with, my life could have gone a completely different route.
My father, Salvador, worked extremely hard to be able to provide for my mother Maria and I, but his hard work came with a price that I had to suffer from and pay. My father's hunger for more, and his want for a better life, kept him away from us for much of my childhood, therefore- I grew up only having my mothers love and dedication. I always appreciated my fathers willingness to work hard to provide for us, but he worked so hard that he was never able to appreciate the fruits of his labor, and in a sense he alienated himself from us. Karl Marx argues that alienation is common, people like my father work so hard and end up alienating themselves because “alienation in modern society means that an individual has no control over his life”, meaning that work takes over sometimes to the point where they lose control of many things, like their family, their individualism and their self worth. His hard work did not go unnoticed though, I was able to see and appreciate his struggle, and that has made me want to be a better person and want to be somebody successful, as a way to thank and honor him for what he did for us.
Some of my favorite childhood memories took place at school. Everyone there knew each other, and our families and teachers became like one big extended family who looked out for one another. Though my elementary school was one of the lowest ranked in the district, I was lucky enough to have some of the most kind hearted, hard working, passionate, and understanding teachers ever. Those teachers left a lifelong impact on me, and I am certain that my desire to have a career working with children was influenced by the love and support those teachers left in me. Knowing that they were limited on resources and time (amongst many other things), those teachers always went above and beyond for their students and they worked very close together with everyone's parents to make sure we succeeded in our academics and stayed away from trouble. Living in a dangerous neighborhood where crime happened on a daily basis, our teachers knew they had to step in and show us a world full of opportunities and full of hope. I vividly remember the struggle my 3rd grade teacher went through in order to take her class to UC Berkeley. For many of us this was our first time on a field trip, and meeting so many young educated Latinos gave us hope that we too could get out of a bad neighborhood, and pursue our dreams (which seemed almost impossible to reach at the time).
It was not all rainbows and butterflies, as a community we suffered major losses, but we took our losses and turned them into inspiration to do better and want more. The main reason behind the success of so many of my elementary classmates and I, is without a doubt due to the dedication and the love from our parents and teachers. Our surroundings were not the best, we did not have the best resources, but the willingness of our community to come together in order to see us succeed really made a difference in our lives. Sociologist Emile Durkheim believed that society worked as a body, and he “likened society to that of a living organism, in which each organ plays a necessary role in keeping the being alive.” In this instance, our community worked so well as a “body” that we were all able to help each other out and pick each other up whenever we needed it. We needed the good, but we also needed the bad. Living in our dangerous unprivileged neighborhood opened our eyes and made us realize what life could be like if we decided to not pursue an education or follow our dreams.
My late teens and young adult years were years of soul searching and years in which I felt an immense sense of growth and happiness, but it was not easy to get there. During high school I always resented how strict my parents were, I was not able to see the bigger picture and understand the why. Coming from a very traditional Mexican family, we are always told that “as long as you are living under my roof you will live under my rules”. Some of those rules- waking up early every Sunday and going to church together, volunteering and doing community service, learning how to cook and how to essentially become the “perfect housewife”. While I did not enjoy them, having those rules gave me a sense of responsibility and boundaries to abide by and follow, which at the time did not seem as important to me. At age 19 I welcomed my son, Julian. Becoming a mother completely changed my life, especially my interactions with people, and my outlook on life. One afternoon after Sunday mass, everything started to make sense to me. I realized the way my interactions with others had completely changed and the way I was looked at different by members of my family and members of society was different.
I went from being a college student, to being a mother and housewife- it was a complete 180. As a result of such, society had different opinions about me and the way they interacted with me. My family stopped treating me as a normal young woman, and started treating me with more respect and giving me more moral support, they also had more expectations now that I was a wife and mother. That newly found respect and those new roles changed the way I carried myself. Suddenly I found myself worrying about things that had never even crossed my mind before, which according to Goffman was due to the fact that “Each situation is a new scene, and individuals perform different roles depending on who is present (Goffman 1959).” Though being a mother has by far been my favorite role to play, I did not feel fulfilled as an individual. I had to go out there to see what other roles I could play, and learn how to interact with others in order to feel happier more accomplished. My biggest accomplishments have come after wanting to play different roles in life. I am now a student, an employee, a mother, a daughter, a happy woman and future psychologist.
I celebrate 30 years of life this summer, and I look back and realize how much I have grown for the better, and how much I have accomplished. Though resources growing up were low and opportunities were not always knocking at my door, I always pushed through and found ways to persevere. My parents, my community, every single teacher I met, every peer that took me under their wing, every disadvantage, every advantage, the good, the bad, everything around me has shaped and influenced me. Growing up the way I did has made me the mature and loving woman I am today, and those same disadvantages and struggles that I went through and overcame, will help me in the future to be appreciative of life and all the blessings around me.
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